Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
