Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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