I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
