Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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(386): View more from Florida

Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm

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(856): View more from New Jersey

We tried having a conversation with our noses.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.

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(785): View more from Kansas

Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok

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(248): View more from Michigan

Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.

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(305): View more from Florida

Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?

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(646): View more from New York

Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse

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(518): View more from New York

He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.

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