It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
