I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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