i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Randomize
