just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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