Even the bartender felt bad for me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
