My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
