Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Life is so much better after having sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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