No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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