hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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