I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
