so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
