yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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