how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
