Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
