Ketchup is God's man juice
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
