make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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