I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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