So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
