I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
