Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
