You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
