I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize