Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My liver is preforming stress tests.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
