How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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