Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
did i just pee glitter
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
