you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Farmville is her only friend.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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