Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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