how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
