Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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