my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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