He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
