I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
