now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
