i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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