So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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