Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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