I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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