Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Threesome in a minivan. New low
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
