When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
