I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
