Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
