Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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