I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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