his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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