Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
