sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How does it feel to date your dad?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize