I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My underwear smells like fireworks.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ok first of all what the fuck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
