shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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