I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
