my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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