The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
