Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
