Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
