ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
