Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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