So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
