The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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