So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
