Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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