okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
