i wish starbucks made bloody marys
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
