Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize