youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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