i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize