Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
