I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
