i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up under a house in Key West
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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