omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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