Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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