One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
