I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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