Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
