Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize