Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
