The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
