I think I won the penis lottery.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
