Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
